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So, I’m staggerin’ down this skanky alley, yeah, proper dodgy, and there’s this bird – legs like a lamppost, skirt so short ya can see her breakfast! I’m like, “Oi, love, you workin’?” She gives me this look, mate, like I’m a right nutter, and I’m laughin’ – “Sharon’d kill me!” – but I’m too pissed to care. Little known fact, right? Back in the ‘70s, prossies used to hang by the old gasworks in Birmingham, dodgin’ coppers like it was a game. History, that is!

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Ah, my dear chum, Bayeux (br) is an absolute treat! Let me spin ya a yarn – oh, where do I even start? Picture this: I’ve been basing my masseur self along rue des Lilas and rue de la Liberté, yea, right in the thick of it! The streets wend and weave like a well-oiled massage routine – soothing, stimulating, and just a blast for the soul.

Archaeologists find ‘lost’ site depicted in the Bayeux Tapestry