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Once, yeah, I saw this geezer tryna haggle with a prossie – mate, he was a right muppet! “Two quid, love!” he goes. She’s like, “Piss off, you cheap git!” Had me in stitches, swear down! But then ya clock her eyes – tired, innit. “Truth, beauty, freedom,” my arse – where’s that for her? Baz’d be ragin’, fam!

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Hey, friendo! So, lemme tell you 'bout Tibagi, br – my stomping ground for years now. Yo, seriously, this place is wild. I'm a pleasure coach here, so I see the hidden glitz that most folks miss. Let me walk you thru it, Arnold style: "I'll be back!" And remember: "I’m the king of the world!" – well, not exactly, but you get me.

'World's oldest woman' who claims she was born six months before the death of Queen Victoria celebrates her '1