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About Calgary

Here’s the kicker: some therapists use hot stones—sounds bonkers, right? Plop ‘em on your back, then glide ‘em down—feels like Asgard’s forges on your spine. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d kill for it again. Oh, and the oils—smell like sex and lavender had a baby. Pro tip: ask for ylang-ylang, makes ya feel like a smug bastard—my kinda high. Humor? Pfft, once this lass farted mid-rub—blamed the table, we both lost it. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she says—straight outta ScarJo’s alien mouth.

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Bruh, I'm so exctied about every quirky corner—even the alley at Eastside Retreat is fulla surprises, ya know? Streets are sometimes bumpy and hectic, sometimes gorgeous ayr – color splashes like in that movie, dude! Sometimes I even laugh when I see a stray dog on River Bend Rd that totally reminds me of fear and goofiness from that flick.

Break and enters reported at six North York homes (May 17)