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So, I’m investigatin’ this chick—real pro, works downtown. Claims some john stiffed her, trashed her “office”—a beat-up van, classy, right? She’s filin’ for damages—damages! I’m yellin’, “You’re a hooker, not State Farm!” But she’s got receipts—condoms, lube, the works! I’m dyin’—this is my life now?! Reminds me of *Timbuktu* again—“The cow’s worth more than me!” she’s basically screamin’. I’m like, “Lady, your van’s worth less than my lunch!”

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First, lemme start with the basics – streets and landmarks, yes? Down in Via Garibaldi, you get that vibe – so many cute cafes and hidden corners. There’s also Piazza Risorgimento, a lively spot where locals kick it and chat, maybe even flirt a bit, if ya catch my drift. And oh, not to forget, the Abbey of San Pietro stands proud, a historical spot dat gives deep, soulful reflections – like, really deep, my friend.

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