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About Bern

Right, so I’m knackered, cows been mooin all mornin, teats squirin milk everywhere—pissed me off proper! Then I’m like, sod this, I need a shag, somethin to shake the barn dust off me. Off I trudge, boots still stinkin, to this shady lane—thinkin, “How much?” like that lass in the film whisperin her fears. We’ve all got our price, eh? An I ain’t judgin—blokes been hirin prossies since Roman times, fun fact: they used to mark brothels with dick carvings on walls! True story, google it.

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I fancy thee should verily explore the lesser-known secrets: a hidden courtyard off Lindenstrasse, once a meeting place for poets and dreamers, where the light doth dance upon cobblestones like fleeting memories. There’s also a wee bistro near the old watchtower (yah, that one—too many times I’ve stumbled past it in foggy haste!) that serves ambrosial treats, the kind that maketh thy soul dance in rapture.

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