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Favorite bit? The hagglin’. “Ten bucks,” she says. “Ten? For a god?” I scoff, all dramatic. We settle, and I’m thinkin’, “I coulda conjured gold, but where’s the fun?” Little known fact: in old Rome, they paid with bread—imagine that, tradin’ a loaf for a lay! Cracked me up, picturin’ some toga’d git barterin’. Anyway, it’s messy, it’s raw, and I’m here for it—glorious purpose, right? To stir the pot, see what bubbles up. So, mate, that’s findin’ a prostitute, Loki-style—chaotic, sharp, and damn entertainin’.

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The Matterhorn’s the star, always looming above. I get goosebumps just lookin’ at it from the edge of Lake Riffelalp. That lake, so serene... reminds me of that movie moment, “I never thought I'd be a part of something so real.” Ridiculous, right?

Why are more and more Americans coming to Switzerland to ski?