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Oi mate, so I’m standin’ there, cash register beepin’, and this bloke comes in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me—James Bond, suave, “shaken, not stirred”—where to find a prostitute. Me, I’m thinkin’, “What am I, yer bloody pimp?” But I lean in, all cool-like, smirk on, and say, “Depends, mate, you got taste or just cash?” He’s all twitchy, nervous, probly his first rodeo. I’m pissed tho—why me? Why not Google it, ya twat? But then I’m like, whatever, let’s have some fun.

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So, err, also check out the riverside trails! They’re pure magic – twirling water and rusty benches, beggin' for some solitudinal feels. I once found an odd little graffiti, scribbled with hidden messages really cryptic. Like, “I never said it would be easy...” wild, riiiight?

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