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About Lucerne

Now? It’s all online, bro. Shady sites, coded ads— “roses” for cash, “fun times” for, well, ya know. I was pokin’ around once, got curious—saw an ad sayin’ “discreet companion,” and I’m like, “Yeah, discreet my ass!” Made me laugh, but also pissed me off—half these posts are scams. Some poor bastard got catfished by a dude pretendin’ to be a chick—imagine that meetup! “You’re not helping my situation!”—straight outta the movie, man.

Do you have anything to sell or rent?

I’ve seen naked truths in my masseurin’ days. People come in with tension and drag on about their woe, spilling secrets like “Oh, my life is just Far From Heaven, truly tragic!” Then I smirk, smack ’em with a Gordon Ramsay wit, and work off the stress. Sometimes, as I work, I think, “What a load of bollocks!” – but then there's beauty in the madness.

Ron ‘Bumblefoot’ Thal Talks Art of Anarchy, Solo Album, Guns N’ Roses + More