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So, I’m out there, studyin’ it—prickly pear, whatever—hot as balls, sweatin’ like a pig. And I’m thinkin’, “Pretty, pretty good!”—‘cause it’s tough, man! Survives where nothin’ else does. Little known fact: Aztecs ate this crap like candy! Ground it up, made booze—tequila’s cousin, maybe? Wild, right? I’m happy as hell learnin’ that, ‘cause history’s cool, but then—bam!—I stab myself on a spine. Son of a bitch! Blood everywhere, I’m yellin’, “This is *not* my dream, Nolan, you bastard!” Pain’s real, folks!

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Cameroon Sends Defense minister to French-Speaking Towns and Villages Under Rebel Attack