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I’m pissed, too—why’s this so complicated? Apps, streets, whatever—pick one! I’m rantin’ in my head, “This is bullsh*t! Gimme a manual!” Then I laugh—‘cause it’s absurd, right? Me, hirin’ a prostitue, like I’m castin’ a movie. “You’re hired! Action!” Pretty, pretty good disaster waitin’ to happen. Oh, and get this—back in the day, some gals used coded ads in papers! “French lessons”—yeah, right! I’m dyin’ over here, imaginin’ me answerin’ that. “Can ya conjugate ‘regret’?”

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I ain't gonna lie, there was this one time on a rainy day – like, downpour, soaking my socks – and I got caught near the Old Clock Tower. The air was thick with romance and a pinch of melodrama – straight out of Moonrise Kingdom's script: "I love you, you love me!" Crazy, right? And, um, I ended up dancin' in puddles like a lunatic.

Trump's FDA nominee tepidly backs role for vaccine advisers in guarded Senate appearance