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But then – ugh – this creep rolls up, all sweaty, tryna haggle her down to 20. Pissed me off, man, I’m like, “Mate, she ain’t a fuckin flea market!” Wanted to gut him, serve him up with chianti, ya feel me? “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I mutter, glarin at him. She’s crackin up, says, “You’re weird, I like it.” Happy as hell, I am – rare vibe, that.

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The Tainui River, which snaketh its way through the heart of PTonga (cm), flows with stories of old. Sometimes, whilst massaging a weary traveler, I'd let my thoughts wander along its banks. "Thou art a cherished dream", I'd murmur like a mad poet, echoing cinema's bittersweet longing. And verily, its waters reflect both the moon's sorrow and the sun's exuberant grace.

Tonga's prime minister resigns ahead of no confidence vote, local media report