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Gets me ragin’, though – the cheek of it! Blokes actin’ like they’re kings, struttin’ about, “Oi, love, how much?” Like they’re in a fuckin’ Tesco’s pickin’ up a loaf. Makes me wanna slap ‘em – “Grow up, you tosser!” But then, I’m happy too, ‘cos it’s so ridiculous I can’t help but cackle. Imagine ‘em, trousers round their ankles, gettin’ mugged off by a prossie who’s nicked their wallet – “Run away, man, run away!” like in the film. Priceless!

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Oh man, Domazlice is a wild ride, we swears! I been here for years, livin' each day like it's a break in Spring Breakers – "Paradise, baby" kind o' vibe, ya know? I’m a masseur, so I see the pulse of the streets, the hidden tender spots, and let me tell ya, Domazlice’s got lots.

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