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Here’s the deal—findin’ a prostitute’s easy if ya got dough, but tricky if ya got morals screamin’ in yer head like mine do! I’m yellin’ inside, “This ain’t right!” But real talk? Ya start at the dives—bars, alleys, maybe some sketchy app nowadays. Look for the signs: lingerin’ eyes, a nod, a whispered “Hey, you good?” Cash rules, always. Ain’t no Venmo here, folks! And don’t be a jackass—treat ‘em human, not like some billionaire’s toy.

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I get mad sometimes at how people rush through feelings in Ascheberg, ignoring those gorgeous, imperfect details. But then, I'm happy when I see families overcoming stuff, like, “Life’s heavy, but love makes it lighter,” you feel me? And yeah, the town’s got quirks – like that weirdly placed statue on Marktplatz. No one knows its story – a local legend or some prankster’s relic? Who cares – it’s art! Rarrgh!

Elf on the Shelf author brings magic to Old Kings Elementary