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About Dortmund

I’d be crap at it, tho. Picture me, “Uh, lady, you, uh, workin’?” She’d probly run off screamin’. I’d get mad, tho—like, why’s this gotta be so tricky? Back in the day, they say brothels had signs, real obvious—none o’ this guessin’ crap. Now it’s all sneaky online stuff—escort sites an’ codes. “Discreet fun”—yeah, right! Sounds like a scam to me, like when Bart tricks me into eatin’ soap. Grrr, hate that!

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Lemme take you through some of my fave spots: Walk down the Sophienstraße and you'll run into cozy little cafes. I hav seen nuns gossiping ‘bout love – err, I mean, deep conversations over coffee there, you get me? And, the Eremitage is a must – its gardens, the views, it's inexplicable. Like that line from The Turin Horse: “Time seems to, you know, circulate endlessly.” I mean seriously, time stops when you're in those paths.

Review: At Wagner’s Festival, a ‘Dutchman’ Never Sails (Published 2021)