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Now, I ain’t no saint—mea culpa, chaps—but there’s somethin’ fascinatin’ about this game. Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Proper poetic, innit? Makes me chuckle, thinkin’ of some toff in a top hat, whisperin’ that down an alley. Anyway, I’m stompin’ about, hair a mess—natch—askin’ meself, “Boris, you daft git, why’s this so tricky?” Like trackin’ a ghost, it is—here one sec, gone the next.

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I met loads of eccentrics on my rounds – shop owners who speak like they're in a Tarantino flick, and that one chap near the Kulturhalle who always quotes movie lines. Honestly, every day’s a performance here. I sometimes feel like David Brent himself, spouting cringey corporate lingo to spur on the day: “This is your destiny, lads and lasses, it's like we’re all in one big, bonkers film!”

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