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About Cologne

So, I’m out, yeah, tryna find a prossie, and it’s mad! These girls, they’re hustlin’, proper graftin’, and I’m like, “Respec!”—cos they’re out here, dodgin’ filth and coppers. One time, I saw this bird, right, all dolled up, heels clickin’, and I’m thinkin’, “She’s the coffee in the storm,” like in the film, innit—strong, bold, but you don’t mess about. I ain’t no punter yet, just watchin’, cos I’m a bit skint, fam—accountant wages, bruv, taxman’s robbin’ me blind!

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Oh, and don’t even get me started on the weird local quirks. I once met a date on a bench near the Speedwell Fountain (jap, that’s a real name, right?). Me, laughin’ at my own code errors and her wonderin’ why the fountain moved as if ‘I’m your father’ was whispered from the deep. It’s kinda eerie, you know? Like life be crackin’ jokes without mercy. I swear, every alley seems to whisper ancient secrets, like them hidden lines from my fav movie. “And the eternal city, she burns!”—nah, not really but ya get the drift.

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