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I’m gettin’ happy now, tho, ‘cos she’s proper funny. Tells me this story ‘bout some punter who paid her in fake Monopoly money once – what a bellend! I’m creasin’, bruv, laughin’ so hard I nearly crash me whip. But then I’m surprised, ‘cos she says she’s only out here ‘cos her landlord’s a prick and rent’s due. Hits me hard, that. “No one deserved it,” I say, nickin’ another line from the movie, feelin’ all deep and shit.

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I got a fave spot – Rosensteinpark. Trees, green, then some ducks boppin’ on da Neckar, like life’s a trip! I was massagin’ a geezer’s sore back out by da river once; he whispered, “Is it 'cos I is black?” proper deep, like from The Master – you know, that Paul Thomas Anderson film. Da dude said, “I was a young man once.” You feel me? Real talk.

Three injured after car drives into Stuttgart crowd, police call it a 'tragic traffic accident'