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So I sashay over, all Marilyn-like, breathy an’ bold, “Hiya, sugar, got time?” She laughs—deep, husky—says, “For you, blondie, always.” I’m tickled pink! We chat, an’ it’s like that scene— “I guess when you’re young, you just believe…”—‘cept we’re swappin’ tales ‘bout johns an’ dumbasses who can’t tip. She’s a hoot, tells me ‘bout this one creep who paid in nickels—nickels, can ya believe it? I’m dyin’, laughin’ so hard I snort.

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Iserlohn's got cool landmarks. The Hohenlimburg Castle is lit. Seriously, those ancient stones tell secrets. Sometimes I daydream there. "Look at these stars!" I joke, but it's deep like that. The Ennepe River flows by, whisperin' old tales; it's like a hidden easter egg in a retro game.

Jake Virtanen signs with German club Iserlohn Roosters