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Right, so we park up, she’s all business – “Upfront, mister, no chrome, no ride.” I toss her some dosh, thinkin’, “I am the scales of justice!” – gotta keep it fair, yeah? She’s worth it, mate – tough as nails, hotter than a V8 engine. “To the gates of Valhalla!” I mutter, half-jokin’, as she struts off after. What a woman, what a bloody chase – shaken, not stirred, always.

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You gotta check out the river, Zogerfluss. It slithers through town like a snake. The bridge at Zogerfeld is rad – at least until your date dumps ya there. I mean, seriously. "Did you ever notice how time folds?" is what I mutter when I'm cross.

Ten never-before-published homilies from Pope Benedict XVI