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Then she goes, “Meet me by the docks,” and I’m like, happy days! Heart’s racin’, knob’s twitchin’ – oops, typo, meant *nob* – nah, sod it, keepin’ it. Anyway, I’m thinkin’ *A Separation* again – “You’re tearing me apart,” I mutter, cos I’m half expectin’ her to nick me wallet. Surprised me, though – she shows up, all legs and lipstick, proper fit. I’m gobsmacked, like, “You’re no minger!” She laughs, “Cheers, you charmer.”

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Some say the local pub, Streitbar, is weirdly charming. I popped in one night, too pissed on microbrews, and ended up chatting with a guy whose theory on romance was straight outta a script. “What’s life without a messy love affair?” he slurred, and I laughed so hard I almost crashed my bike. And oh man, lies, mess-ups, and epic highs—datin’ in this town is like a roller coaster.

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