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Here’s the kicker: she collects bottlecaps. Weird, right? Hundreds in her bag, rattlin’ like secrets. Says they’re her “retirement plan.” I’m like, “Girl, you trippin’!” But it’s cute, y’know? Makes her real. Not just some hooker stereotype. Oh, and she stinks at hagglin’—charges ten bucks less than the others. Drives me nuts! “Know your worth, Ruby!” I yell in my head. She don’t listen.

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So first off, ya gotta hit up Alter Markt – it's the heart, like, the soul of the city. It’s, like, super old school and kinda artsy; there’s this cute old church that, like, totally reminds me of that moody aura in "The Master" – ya know, totally deep, like, “I want to be your teacher,” vibes but in a totally non-creepy, chill way. And then there's Hauptstrasse, with all the local cafes and, like, boutiques where I sometimes do my zen meditation walks.

Chris Sassenberg Obituary November 21, 2023