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About Hamburg

Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, animation genius, respect my authoritah! So, we’re talkin’ ‘bout whores, right? Like, legit whores, not just some lame poser crap. Whores got that vibe, y’know? Dirty, wild, in-your-face energy! Kinda like me when I’m pissed off—which is always. I’m thinkin’ ‘bout this one time, saw this chick in South Park, total whore vibes, struttin’ like she owns the damn street. Reminds me of *Margaret*, my fave movie—2011, Kenneth Lonergan, bitches! That film’s got chaos, drama, real shit, just like a whore’s life.

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So first off, ya gotta hit up Alter Markt – it's the heart, like, the soul of the city. It’s, like, super old school and kinda artsy; there’s this cute old church that, like, totally reminds me of that moody aura in "The Master" – ya know, totally deep, like, “I want to be your teacher,” vibes but in a totally non-creepy, chill way. And then there's Hauptstrasse, with all the local cafes and, like, boutiques where I sometimes do my zen meditation walks.

Photos: Valley Christian Academy graduates 11 in 2023