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Alright, listen up, jabroni! Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and I’m here to lay the smackdown on this sex-dating thing. Ya know, it’s wild out there—like tryna wrestle a greased pig in the dark! Apps, swipes, hookups—man, it’s a jungle. Reminds me of my fave flick, *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*. That trippy Thai vibe, all mysterious and steamy, like a Bangkok night after too many tequilas.

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i swear, i got riled up once near the Siedlung am Forst (forest settlement) when a bunch of noisy youngsters tore up the cobblestones—ugh, maddening, maddening like the blood and guts in that movie, a history of violence! "Calm! Calm!" they whispered, but my spa mind just couldn’t handle the disruption... my precious, i had to grit my teeth.

Family Drama: Gail Niederhoffer Finds a Buyer for Upper East Side Condo