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About Cologne

Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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Oh! Street names? Hmmm, remember Klostergasse? Yeah, cute, winding passage where I often feel the echoes of old secrets. Sometimes, I get lost there—literally, LOL—said, "f*ck, where am I?" (my mind does wander, err, sorry, friend).

The Star Wars-mad scientist who's painted his observatory to look like R2-D2