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Oh, and the slang— “happy ending,” duh, but there’s “tease ‘n’ please” too. Cracked me up—sounds like a shitty rom-com. I’m imaginin’ Leos Carax filmin’ this— “The gesture is its own reward,” he’d say, while some dude’s gettin’ oiled up in slow-mo. Snarky truth: half these parlors are fronts—cops busted one near my farm! Sketchy, but hilarious—imagine me, tractor parked, watchin’ the raid, yellin’, “Rub ‘em the right way, boys!”

VIDEO: Ronnie Mund Details the ‘Hot Dog’ Move He Pulled on His Fiancée in the Bedroom

Super sexy Samantha Rone gets herself all slicked up with massage oil as she waits for her man to join her in bed.

There’s that park, Lykke Park – gotta love it! Folks chill under trees and giggle like kids. I sat there once, feeling pumped and relaxed at once. Sometimes, it's like I hear the hum of the earth, like “you know the secrets, right?” It’s a mystery, just like Zodiac’s puzzles in that cool movie by Fincher.

Iceberg Splits From Antarctica, Becoming World’s Largest (Published 2021)