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So, me, I’s wanderin’, lookin’ for one, right? Dirty alleys, stinkin’ of piss n’ despair—lovely, innit? We hates it! This one time, heard a story—some tart in Soho, 1800s, got nabbed by coppers, hidin’ under a cart, skirt all torn. Little fact for ya—prozzies back then, they’d bribe with a shillin’! Cheap, eh? Makes me laugh, them dodgin’ the law, all sneaky-like.

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Okay, listen up, buddy – this is going to be YUGE. I live in Roskilde, in Denmark – and let me tell you, it's tremendous. Tremendous like nothing you've ever seen. I'm a masseur here, so I know every nook, every cranny. I get to touch the city's heart, literally.

Roskilde Festival reveals First Days lineup and Orange Stage opener