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About Valencia

Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a barista? Nah, I’m Gollum, sneaky-like, slingin’ coffee, watchin’ folk. Findin’ a prostitute, eh? We hates it! Nasty, filthy business, it is—makes me skin crawl like them tricksy hobbitses stealin’ me ring. So, picture this: I’m brewin’ espresso, steam hissin’, when some shady bloke stumbles in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me, “Where’s the ladies at?” I’m like, “We serves lattes, not lassies, ya twit!” He don’t get it—dumb as a sack o’ rocks.

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And oh, the little alleys around, I barely count ‘em all. One alley near the port – Calle del Barco – holds a secret spot where the best churros are served at midnight! I swear, it’s like a spirit guide from Spirited Away whispering “Just one more, Homer!” every time I pass by.

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