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Oh, but den—surprise!—she starts talkin’ ‘bout her pet ferret, Kevin, and I’m like, “A ferret? Dat’s my kinda crazy!” Almost wanna hire her just fer da story, ya know? “Roxanne” vibes kick in—dat tango of shady deals and heart! I’m laughin’, picturin’ me and her and Kevin stormin’ da Moulin stage, minions clappin’ like loons.

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Simiane-Collongue is waiting for you between Marseille and Aix-en-Provence. This privileged location gives you access to some of the most beautiful tourist treasures of Provence: the Missing: prostitute.

Then, I stroll down Rue des Écoles, and I see this cute little café. I’m starving, so I pop in for a quick bite. The croissants? To die for! I’m munching away, and this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about the history of Simiane-Collongue. Apparently, it’s been around since the Roman times. Who knew? I’m just trying to enjoy my pastry, lady! But hey, I love a good history lesson.

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