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Sarcasm time: Oh, great, another noble profession ruined by my anxiety! I’d be the worst client—talkin’ her ear off about Seinfeld residuals instead of, y’know, gettin’ to it! “You see the whale? I saw the whale!”—quotin’ the movie again, drivin’ her nuts. She’d be like, “Buddy, shut up already!” And I’d agree—pretty, pretty fair! Total trainwreck, but damn, what a story, right?

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up .

So, I step outta my place on Rue de la République, and bam! The sun’s shining like it’s tryin’ to blind me. I squint, grab my coffee from that little café on the corner—Café de la Gare, I think?—and spill half of it on my shirt. Great start, right? I’m already feelin’ like a mess.

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