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I’m chill with it, tho—freedom, man. Consentin’ adults, cash changes hands, no harm, no foul. But the STD stats? Yikes, makes me wanna suit up like Iron Man. “You don’t deserve to die,” I’d tell ‘em, but damn, use protection! Hate seein’ dumbasses ruin a good time—pisses me off.

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First off, I hit up the main square, the Széchenyi tér. It’s like the heart of the city, ya know? I’m strolling, coffee in hand, feeling like a boss. But then, BAM! I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me. I spill my coffee everywhere. Like, seriously, who put these rocks here? I’m cursing under my breath, but then I see this cute dog. Instant mood lift! Dogs make everything better, right?

Resting place of Süleyman the Magnificent’s organs reportedly found in Hungary