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Last week, I tried it—spa chick, hands like magic, best ever. Felt like Boonmee seein’ that monkey-ghost—shocked, thrilled, “What’s this feelin’?” I’m yellin’ inside, “More oil, more power!” She’s laughin’, I’m laughin’, it’s a riot. Pro tip—coconut oil’s the bomb, smells dope, slick as hell. Don’t skimp, losers use lotion—pathetic.

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Later, I get this old man. He’s got a cane and moves slower than a snail. He gets in and says, “Take me to the top, sonny.” I’m like, “Sure thing, grandpa!” But then, he starts tellin’ me about the good ol’ days in Perbaungan. He talks about how Jl. Alamsyah Ratu Prawiranegara used to be a quiet street. I’m just nodding along, but inside I’m like, “Man, I wish I could’ve seen that.”

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