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Little fact for ya—didja know Victorian hookers used coded flowers? Red rose meant “I’m game!” Sneaky, huh? Love that cunning! Anyway, I’m hagglin’—she’s askin’ too much, I’m like, “C’mon, I ain’t Bruce Wayne!” She laughs, I laugh—manic, loud—hehehe! “What’s your damage?” she says. “Life, babe,” I wink, quotin’ Monty’s mirror rant: “No one’s clean.”

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But wait, it gets crazier. As I’m eating, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m trying to enjoy my meal, but they’re making it hard. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m just sitting there, thinking, “Man, relationships are wild.”

Eddie Van Halen, whose mother was Indonesian, dies aged 65