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So there I was, pissed off, cos the pubs were dry of decent company. We shall fight the silence, the empty beds! Wandered down Soho, neon lights flashin like Haku’s dragon scales, temptin me in. Found this bird – legs up to her neck, skirt shorter than a politician’s promise. “How much, love?” I says, heart thumpin like a drum solo. She grins, all sly, “Fifty quid, big boy.” Fifty! Blimey, I nearly choked – coulda bought a bleedin amp for that!

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As the sun sets, I head to Bukit Cinta. The view is insane! I mean, you can see the whole city. I’m standing there, feeling all philosophical. “Life is good,” I think. But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I laugh it off.

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