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Course, there’s the rub—price ain’t cheap. Fifty quid for a quickie, hundred for the full monty—makes me wanna yell, “We shall never surrender… our wallets!” Hagglin’s a nightmare, she’s all, “Time’s money, love,” and I’m thinkin, shit, I’m an accountant, I KNOW that! Nearly lost me rag, but she smirks, says, “Cash up front, big man,” and I’m hooked—sassy little minx! Funniest bit? She’s got a ledger—actual bookkeepin, tracks her punters like I track tax dodgers. Blew me mind—prossie with a balance sheet!

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Finally, I get my thoughts down. I’m feeling good, but then I hear this commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a parade! Like, a legit parade! Drummers, dancers, the whole shebang. I’m thinking, “This is Tanggulangin at its finest!” I grab my phone, snap some pics, and forget about my article for a sec.

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