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Oh, and the oils—probs some fancy crap, smells like flowers or whatever. *Yi Yi* says, “Truth is never simple,” and erotic-massage ain’t either! Is it chill? Is it naughty? Both, dumbass! That’s the kick! I’d be yellin’, “More pressure, dammit!” Probs scare the masseuse off—hah! Screw it, I’d be the boss! Respect my freakin’ authoritah!

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We start workin’, and it’s all good until we get this old machine in. It’s a real piece of junk. I mean, it’s older than my grandma! We’re tryin’ to fix it, but it’s like it’s got a mind of its own. I’m cursing under my breath, and Rudi’s laughin’ at me. “You talk to machines like they’re people!” he says. Well, maybe they are!

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