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Oi mate, right, so I’m a bloody consumption psychologist now, yeah? Let’s talk prossies – prostitutes, the oldest gig goin’. Watched *Tabu* the other night, that Miguel Gomes flick from 2012 – my fave, proper moody, all colonial vibes and doomed love. “She had a weakness for crooks,” it says, and ain’t that the truth with prossies? Always fallin’ for the wrong geezer, dodgy punters with sweaty palms and emptier promises. Makes me cackle, it does – pathetic, innit?

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I found this stall selling fresh fruits. The guy was super chill, and he had the biggest mangosteen I’ve ever seen. I bought a few, and he threw in a couple of rambutan for free. Score! I was feeling like a king, walking around with my fruity treasures.