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Oi, precious! Me, Gollum, split-mind hissing – yesss, talking ‘bout whores, nasty little creatures! Whore, eh? Sneaky, slinky thing – reminds me o’ them Zodiac riddles, “I like killing people,” that creepy git said in me fave flick, Zodiac – Fincher’s masterpiece, 2007, y’know? Watched it, like, fifty times, precious, gets me blood boilin’! Whore’s like that – twisty, turnin’, never know what’s next. Hiss! One minute she’s all smiles, next she’s got yer wallet – poof! Gone, like them cipher codes Zodiac scribbled.

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But then, the night took a turn. Some guy bumped into me, spilling his drink all over my armor. I was furious! I mean, c’mon, dude! I’m a warrior, not a mop! I was ready to throw down, but then I saw the look on his face. He was just as shocked as I was. We ended up laughing it off, and he bought me a drink to make up for it.

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