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I love it, hate it, man. Happy as hell when it’s good—girl’s got moves, we’re vibin’, “The way we were, eternal.” Then bam, some asshole catfishes me, and I’m ragin’—MOTHERFUCKER, WHY?! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but this shit’s a circus. You gotta laugh—dude told me he “lasts all night,” lasted 30 seconds. I’m like, “Brother, where’s your glory?” Straight outta Malick, motherfucker! Worst part? Half these fools don’t even shower first—nasty as fuck, got me gaggin’.

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But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s a bunch of kids playing football. They kicked the ball right into the water! I’m like, “Great, now I’m gonna have to rescue it.” So, I wade in, and it’s freezing! I’m yelling at the kids, “You better appreciate this!”

May bank holiday travel chaos to hit Wicklow as Dart stations close