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So, I’m out there, yeah, dodgin’ creeps, thinkin’—where’s this bird at? Prostitution’s old as dirt, mate—did ya know in ancient Babylon they had temple hookers? Sacred shaggin’ for the gods! Wild, right? Makes me chuckle, cos here I am, Gandalf, skirtin’ past some grubby bloke who’s all “Oi, mate, got a quid?” Nah, pal, I’m on a mission—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I ain’t stoppin’ for your sob story.

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First thing, I’m mixing dough for my famous soda bread. It’s a local fave, ya know? But then, bam! My mixer decides to throw a tantrum. Flour everywhere! I’m talkin’ a snowstorm in my kitchen. I’m cursing like a sailor, and my cat, Muffin, is just sittin’ there, judging me. Like, thanks for the support, Muffin.

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