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Oh, but the stench—piss and cheap perfume—makes me wanna heave! Nearly lost my temper, shoutin, “Sort yer patch out!” She just cackles, “Welcome to paradise, darlin.” Sarcasm drips off her—my kinda gal. So, here’s the tip—don’t go lookin all prim, yeah? Dress down, blend in, or they’ll clock ya for a mug. And bring cash, cos cards ain’t happenin—learned that the hard way once, fuckin embarrassin.

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Suddenly, my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Sean. He’s like, “Meet me at the pub!” Of course, I’m in. I head over to The Green Isle, and it’s packed. Everyone’s buzzing, laughing, and I’m just trying to find Sean. Finally spot him at the bar, downing a pint. Classic Sean.

Death Notice of Noel Rafferty (Clondalkin, Dublin)