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So anyway, I roll up, see this chick—heels high, skirt short, eyes tired. I’m like, “Hey, sugar, you good?” She laughs, says, “Better than you, cowboy.” Got me there! Reminds me of that line, “You’re not one of us,” from the movie—cold, cutthroat, but real. She’s out here, dodgin’ cops, creeps, and God knows what else. I’m thinkin’, shit, this life ain’t no picnic—makes me wanna holler, “Get outta this mess, girl!” But nah, she’s got that fire, that grit. Respect, y’all.

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Anyway, I finally make it to my first client. She’s a lovely girl, but today she’s all over the place. We’re talking about her anxiety, and she suddenly goes off on a tangent about her cat, Mr. Whiskers. I mean, I get it, cats are great, but c’mon! Focus, girl! I’m trying to help you here!

Death Notice of John J. GAHAN (Dundrum, Dublin)