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Now, here’s the tea: she takes him ‘round back, and I’m like, “Oh, Lawd, he’s done!” Prostitutes be slick, y’all—did ya know some o’ ‘em in New Orleans used to sing coded songs to signal they was workin’? True story! Joe don’t know that, he’s too busy pantin’. Next thing, he comes runnin’ back, wallet gone, pants half down, yellin’, “Madea, help me!” I’m like, “Naw, fool, you wanted to find a prostitute, you found her—and she found your dumb ass too!” Halleluyer! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also hot as a skillet—why these men so stupid?

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I start callin’ out for Max. “Here, pup! Where ya at?” I swear, I must’ve looked like a total goofball. But then, outta nowhere, I hear this bark. My heart skips a beat. I follow the sound, and there he is! This little furball, waggin’ his tail like he just won the lottery. I scoop him up, and I’m feelin’ like a hero.

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