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About Waterford

Wawaweewa! Me Borat, I tell you bout erotic-massage, very nice! Dis thing, it’s like secret dance, hands sliding, oil dripping, so sexy, yes? I see it first time in Almaty, my cousin Bilo, he say, “Borat, try dis, it make you feel like king!” I think, king? Me? Very nice! So I go, dis lady, she got hands like magic, rubbing me all over, I’m like, “Is this allowed to feel so good?” Hah! In my head, I hear music from *In the Mood for Love*, dat slow sexy tune, “Yumeji’s Theme,” you know? It’s all quiet, tense, like two people wanting but not saying.

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Finally, we get back to the center, and I’m thinkin’, “Phew, survived that.” But no, Jamie’s like, “Can I drive again?” I’m like, “You just about killed us both!” But I can’t help but laugh. It’s all part of the job, right?

Death Notice of STEPHEN SMITH (Midleton, Cork)