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Ruh-roh! But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all artsy-fartsy. Some corners of the web? Dark as the Pale Man’s lair— “He who loses his way!”—and I’m like, yikes, don’t get caught by no creepo cops or scammers! Pisses me off, tho—girls out there, some forced into it, no choice. Makes my tail droop, man. Did ya know? Oldest gig in the world, legit—ancient Rome had brothels with menus! Freaky-deaky, right?

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Then, I get a call from a lady on Monkstown Road. She’s frantic, right? “My cat’s stuck in a tree!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a fireman!” But I can’t help it. I’m a sucker for cats. So, I tell her to grab some tuna. Cats love that stuff. She’s all grateful, and I’m like, “Just doing my job!” But inside, I’m thinking, “Why do I care so much about a cat?”

Death Notice of John (David) McClelland (Monkstown, Dublin)