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I’m dodgin’ coppers, too—can’t have M bollockin’ me for this. Little fact: in Amsterdam, it’s all legal, red lights glowin’ like a bleedin’ Christmas tree. Here? It’s a gamble, mate. I’m thinkin’, *Christ, imagine if Q rigged me a prossie-finder gadget*. I’d be sorted! Anyway, this one bird, she’s whisperin’ sweet nothins’, and I’m half tempted to take her back to the Aston Martin—classy, yeah? “Let go of attachment,” the film says, but sod that—I’m attached already!

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Then I hit up the Portlaoise Leisure Centre. Gotta keep fit, right? I’m diving into the pool, and it’s packed. Kids everywhere, splashing like they’re training for the Olympics. I’m just trying to do my thing, but these little rascals are like mini torpedoes. I almost got taken out by a cannonball! I was like, “Dude, chill! This ain’t a water park!”

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