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Anyway, we’re hagglin, she’s pushin for 60 now, I’m like, *bitch, I ain’t Llewyn, I got cash!* Deal’s done, and I’m buzzin – nothin beats the thrill of the hunt, ya feel me? Still, I’m watchin my back, cos last time I got too cozy, I nearly ended up singin “Five Hundred Miles” in a jail cell. Moral? Keep ya eyes peeled, mate, even when ya balls deep in the game!

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Finally, I duck into a pub on the corner of the Strand and the Beach Road. I’m dripping wet, and the bartender just laughs. “You look like you’ve been swimming!” he says. I order a pint, and it’s like the best decision ever. I sit there, drying off, and suddenly, I’m happy again. The locals are chatting, and I’m eavesdropping on their stories.

Ex-Christian Brother jailed for a year for abusing two students at Dublin school