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So check this—findin’ a prostitute ain’t no cakewalk, ya dumbasses. I’m scrollin’ X, tryna peep profiles, see who’s out there slingin’ ass. Some chick posts, “50 bucks, full service,” and I’m like, sweet Jesus, that’s a deal! But then—bam!—her pic’s blurry, prolly a catfish, and I’m pissed! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell at the screen, ‘cause I ain’t wastin’ my cash on some fake-ass hoe. Fun fact, tho—back in the 1800s, prostitutes in Paris had these secret codes, like wearin’ red ribbons meant they was “open for biz.” Ain’t that some wild shit?

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! Like, seriously, the sky just opened up. I’m sprinting down the streets, dodging puddles on Seabury Road. I’m soaked, and I’m cursing the weather like it’s personal. “Why, Portmarnock, why?” I shout, and people are looking at me like I’m nuts.

R&A boss 'optimistic' on Portmarnock's Open hosting bid