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About Dublin

Now, what pisses me off? The fakers—huge problem, folks. Some chick’s like, “Hey, big spender,” then bam—cop! Entrapment, disgusting, right? Donald Trump hates that, hates it bigly. But when it works? Happiest guy alive—negotiation’s done, quick, simple, fantastic. I’m shocked sometimes—how easy! Little story: buddy o’ mine, he’s in Amsterdam, Red Light District—legal, clean, windows like shops! He’s braggin’, “Don, it’s heaven!” I’m like, “Good for you, pal!”

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So, I’m mindin’ my own business, right? Just doin’ my rounds, checkin’ on the shops on the Greenhills Road. Then, outta nowhere, I see this fella, right? He’s tryin’ to sell some dodgy knock-off watches. I mean, c’mon, mate! You think I don’t know a fake when I see one? I had to step in. “Oi, mate! You can’t be doin’ that here!” He looks at me like I’m the bad guy. Like, really? I’m just tryin’ to keep the peace!

Death Notice of Michelle Purdy (Tallaght, Dublin)