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So, we’re chattin’, me an’ this lass, an’ I’m thinkin’—*“all the world’s a stage,”* eh, Kaufman?—’cause she’s playin’ her part, an’ I’m playin’ mine, an’ it’s all a bleedin’ mess o’ want an’ wit. Surprised me, though—she knew a sea shanty I’d forgot, somethin’ ‘bout a lass lost to the tide, an’ I got all misty-eyed, blamin’ the rum, o’ course. “Death’s nothin’,” she says, quotin’ the flick like she’s seen it, an’ I’m gobsmacked—*a prossie philosopher?* That’s rarer than a sober pirate!

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By now, I’m starving. I hit up the local chippy, you know, the one on Main Street. Best fish and chips in town! I order a portion, and while I’m waiting, I see this kid drop his ice cream. It’s like slow-mo. The kid’s face? Heartbreaking. I’m like, “Dude, I feel ya.”

Death Notice of PJ McHugh (Tuam, Galway)