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Once, I heard this story—some chick in Vegas got paid in casino chips! True story, swear on my Duff! She’s all, “Cash me out, baby!”—hilarious, right? I’m laughin’, but then—D’oh!—I’m sad again, ‘cause it’s messy, ya know? These gals got lives, and here I am, a doofus, oglin’ ‘em. “Blessed are the forgetful,” I mutter, wishin’ I could zap this night outta my skull like Joel and Clem. Maybe I’ll stick to donuts—safer, cheaper, and Marge won’t kill me! D’oh!

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After the shoot, I decide to stroll down to the Balally Shopping Centre. I need to grab some snacks. I walk past the old church on the way, and it’s so pretty. I mean, who knew Balally had such charm? I pop into the shop, and guess what? They have my fave crisps! Score!

Death Notice of Edward (Eddie) HAYDEN (Balally, Dublin)